With COVID-19, we are navigating a shared change and very individual transitions.

Yes, there is a difference between the two.

They may feel the same, but they are very different. Change is external and transition is the internal process we experience in response to change. There are two books, both written by William Bridges, that I use when I work with clients in career and life transition. And this pandemic is certainly a career and life transition that none of us have experienced before.

• The Way of Transition – A more personal account of Bridges’ own experiences with change and transition.
• Transition: Making Sense of Life’s Changes – Focused on the meat and potatoes of the three stages without so much personal background.

“Change is something that happens to people, even if they don’t agree with it. Transition, on the other hand, is internal: it’s what happens in people’s minds as they go through change. Change can happen very quickly, while transition usually occurs more slowly.” ~William Bridges

COVID-19 has changed us all. And, we are all transitioning in our very personal ways.

Using Bridges’ model, there are three stages of transition. Endings, The Neutral Zone, and New Beginnings.

• ENDINGS: Loss, letting go, saying goodbye. If you are here, we talk about the importance of honoring what is ending. I’ve had clients plant trees, bury tokens, and unsubscribe to industry news to mark the ending of a chapter. Marking the end is necessary before a new beginning can start. 
• THE NEUTRAL ZONE: Characterized by chaos, instability, disorientation. Sound familiar? And, also present in massive quantities in this zone are creativity, innovation, and possibility. If you are here, this state is temporary. The most important thing we can do is be compassionate with ourselves, find resources, support systems, and use mindful strategies to be open to the innovation and creativity that shares this space.
• NEW BEGINNINGS: This is a phase of reorientation, acceptance, and identification with a new way of being. It may be that you accept the new that has replaced the old or that you see a sense of who you are becoming on the other side. If you are here, there may be relief that you’ve navigated through the uncertainty, there also may be new anxiety, excitement, and awareness that change may come again.

The change that the pandemic has forced upon us is shared. The transition we experience individually is very personal. Everyone moves through these stages at their own pace. I believe the more resources we have, the better.

These books are my go-tos. Bridges’ down-to-earth, practical concepts can help us navigate this shared yet very individual experience.

We know of the glass ceiling. Ever heard of the glass wall?

A young woman stood on one side of a glass wall, watching her company’s business event happening on the other side. She was in there moments ago with her heels and suit. 

But pretending that she cared about the corporate blah-blah-blah wasn’t her jam. She left to get some air and caught the scene through the glass that now separated her from the event – and her fake self from her real self.

After years of deciphering clues from many glass wall moments, she fakes it no more.

If you’ve had your own glass wall moments – looking in, not feeling connected, not wanting to be connected – ask yourself:

• What’s the scene I’d be excited to rejoin?
• Who are the people, what is the environment, vibe, dress, emotion from that scene?
• What are people talking about? Making? Creating? Building? Solving?

And maybe even

• How can I create my own scene and invite others in?

Shatter the glass wall. Live you genuine.

I can help you do that. It’s my jam. 

Is Your Purpose Unfolding During the Coronavirus Pandemic?

Sometimes we follow an instinct or our intuition, like an internal whisper, to make a career or life change and we aren’t clear on exactly why we are compelled to honor that whisper. Sometimes, we find value and meaning right away. Sometimes we struggle. And, sometimes, that “Big Why” is revealed much later…like during a global pandemic.

I am launching a video interview series and want to talk to people who are fully realizing the value of their shift during the Coronavirus crisis. I want to know how your your path unfolded. 

Here are two short ( 2-min) videos explaining the Honor the Whisper Project. Forgive the rough cut on the 2nd when my dog generously contributed to the audio!

Let’s create something together! Email Barbara@LiveYourGenuine.com or connect on LinkedIn to share your story.

Jonah Hill, actor-director-producer, was interviewed on the Howard Stern Show in October 2018 (I’m an unapologetic fan since the early ’90s) and something Jonah said about doing work he loves resonated so deeply with me that I made note of it and posted a meme. Little did I know that one month later, I would stumble across an opportunity to immerse myself in a brain-based coaching program to learn more about how creating and connecting forms the framework for building our capacity at work and in life.

Capacity. What is that anyway? Is it the amount something can hold? Is it output? It can be both; holding and doing. We can apply the word to how much water an unyielding glass can hold before it overflows or how many parts a machine can produce in one hour but capacity interests me most when applied to humans.  We aren’t always great at recognizing our potential for growth. Rigid and limiting visions of ourselves and can allow output, our “doing”, to be sabotaged by what we tell ourselves about our capacity.

You are more than your limited perception of you and your capacity is greater than you realize.

As a coach who works with clients in major career and life transition, I know that capacity for finding solutions, identifying new possibilities, and dealing with setbacks increases when people are in a builder mindset. Just as capacity can be described as holding and doing, getting to a builder mindset boils down to creating and connecting. Begin by paying attention to these three things:

1. Notice if you are separating more than connecting – with yourself and with others.

Humans are hard-wired to connect. When we rely only on ourselves or are not connecting with our genuine self in meaningful ways, we are limiting our awareness and possibilities. When you notice you are going it alone ask yourself questions like Who might have new ideas about this? And who else? If I asked my real self, what would she say? Who else could be on this team?

2. Pay attention to whether you are reacting more than you are creating.

Reacting is a fight/flight/freeze response and our best decisions and solutions aren’t born here. When you notice you’re reacting to everything “out there” or waiting for the next shoe to drop or reacting only to the needs of others and not your own, ask yourself or your team What possibilities does this challenge present? What opportunities do you see? What part of this can be influenced?

3. Take deliberate action to move on the scale toward creating and connecting.

Move away from separating and reacting. Make the call, send the email, schedule the meeting, wake up 15 minutes early, write the blog post…DO something to move that needle.

What you will find is that connecting leads to creating and creating leads to connecting and it is in this cycle that we build our capacity for almost anything life and business throws at us.

Want to learn more? Connect here to learn more about what we could create together!

You are more than your limited perception of you, and your capacity is greater than you realize. This is why I became a coach. Although I couldn’t articulate it in that way 5 years ago, I knew that personal growth was where I belonged, and it made sense to use my understanding of the hiring process and my interest in career development as a focus.

Five years later, I am more deeply in love with the coaching process and the impact it can have when done well. I know, because I’ve been in the seat of the coachee. The transformation I have experienced due to my continued training with some of the best coaches out there fuels a perpetual fire to help reveal people to themselves…their beauty, strength, wisdom, and worth.

My wish is that you find a way to fuel whatever fires YOU up so you can begin to #LiveYourGenuine in 2019!  Happy Holidays!

You want one thing? You already have it.  Question is…are you using it?

I was having coffee with a friend a few weeks ago.  This friend happens to be a millennial.  She also happens to be a gifted writer who, instead of flexing her award-winning literary muscles, is flexing her biceps and triceps doing backbreaking work in the fields of her organic farm in Eastern PA.  She’s also getting an intense workout in the business world as she is building her “Lady-Run, Earth-Friendly Vegetable Farm” brand as well as her strategic partnerships in Philadelphia.  She works harder than anyone I know.  She still writes when she has time, and you can read her story in her own words at her Farmer Liz blog.

We were talking about how it can appear that people who have successfully changed careers or started a business had something in their corner that made it easier for them to get a leg up; a spouse to cover expenses for a year, a key contact at a dream company, a mentor who seems to appear and take the person under their wing.   Farmer Liz said, “But everyone has one thing.   My one thing is that my relationship with my parents is great and I can be a transient there when I need to be.”  This allows her to be mobile between Philly, and her farm and her part time gig as she grows her full-time business.  She went on to talk about a few of her friends and their respective ‘one things.’   She was right; they all had something.  And they used it. 

Sometimes the thing is easy to see – the trust fund, the free ride to college, the friend who knows a friend, etc.  Sometimes, sheer determination, courage, desire or intuition are not as tangible and, therefore, more difficult to recognize as a competitive advantage.   And, believe it or not, sometimes we see it, but we don’t use it.

So, in the world of formulated how-to posts, the obligatory bullet point for career shifters, industry jumpers, new grads, business starters or dream builders is:

• Identify your one thing and leverage it.

There are people who don’t understand why you wouldn’t use something (ethically, of course) if it helps your career along.  But, in another corner, are folks who are wired to turn a blind eye to a helping hand or to exercising an advantage; believing it will devalue any achievement.  They don’t even need their peers to resent them for it; they are more than happy to discredit their own progress.  It sounds like this:  “It’s only working out well because…, People will think I only succeeded because…, It won’t really count because…”  So, as Farmer Liz would say:

Give freely, and accept graciously and with gratitude. If you really want it, you’ll swallow your ego and go for it.

Stop feeling guilty about your one thing and stop apologizing for it.  Your peers had something in their corner, too, and maybe they didn’t use it or never took a helping hand when it was offered; and maybe they are all still stuck.  Success doesn’t only count when you work tooth and nail to earn it.  It counts just the same when you acknowledge and leverage your one thing and work hard too.  Because, to launch in a new direction, there will always be plenty of hard work.  Just ask my farmer friend.

Go ahead and feel free to walk uphill, in the snow, for 20 miles, with no shoes, carrying a 100 lb. backpack every day for 10 years until you make it to your destination. Or water, care for and cultivate the one thing that just may make the trip a bit easier.  And then use it.

How to DRAW Mindful Career Squiggles

 

You’ve seen these images depicting the difference between what we are taught and the reality of success or achieving our goals.  It’s the same for career evolution.  For most of us, we draw squiggly career lines without even being aware of it.  Squiggles happen because that’s just the way life works. They happen when we connect with a new networking contact, get laid off, agree to a new ”short-term” project, or have a conversation with a total stranger in a coffee shop.

Squiggles are the unpredictable events in a world of things that we try to predict and control.

Knowing about the squiggle phenomena isn’t enough.  You could decide that since “random stuff happens” you’ll sit back and put pen to paper to connect the dots after the fact.   It is true that with hindsight you can link defining events more clearly; however, you can choose a more active role if you are first open to the curves, and then mindful of things that appear to have squiggle potential.  This way, you fully participate in moving the pen across the paper.

Remember these DRAWing tips when contemplating the art of your career:

• Define and acknowledge your interests when they arise.  Notice long-standing themes.
• Refine these interests and choose one or two on which to initially focus.  (It may make no sense to anyone around you that you would attend a conference on pet rocks, but, for some reason you’re really curious about pet rocks.  So, go.  New career opportunities unveil themselves when you boldly follow your curiosity.)
• Act!  Create situations in which an opportunity for a squiggle could present itself.  (Say yes when a friend in a different industry asks for your help on a project, accept a board nomination, agree to be a guest blogger, etc.)
• Watch for “serendipitous” events and align next actions with opportunities that show up.  (A Partner in XYZ firm invites you to an event.  Go if your gut says you should go, even though your brain doesn’t know exactly why.)  Pay attention to intuitive reactions.

While you’re DRAWing, don’t forget that:

• Uncomfortable situations, the ones where you are forced to stretch sideways from your straight line goals, hold treasure.
• “Failure” is often a most valuable curve!  Sometimes more important things are on the other side.

Look back from where you are now and consider the unexpected connection or chance meeting that led you to your current position.   Accept squiggly lines as career reality and you’ll be free to get out of your own way!

Still putting off the job search you vowed to begin after the holidays?

The yearly bonus is safely in the bank.  The holidays are over.  You’re back to the grind and already feeling drained about the idea of spending another year, let alone another week, doing what you’re doing.   It’s time to start looking, but the fear of beginning your job search is paralyzing and you can’t seem to get moving.

Common among job seekers in all stages of their career, anxiety surrounds the search process.   Market conditions and state of the economy aside, it feels like you’re putting yourself in a position to be judged.   Somebody will judge you on everything from your resume format, to your education, to your work history, to your choice of interview attire.  You put yourself in front of others, and then wait to find out if you’re “good enough”.  At least that’s how it feels.  Even a healthy self-esteem can find the process daunting.

If you’re stuck, consider these tips to help change your mindset and face fears head-on so you can get out of your own way:

1.  Are you stressed because you don’t have it all figured out?  You can’t “think” yourself into the perfect job.   There is no way for you to be certain that you’re going like what’s next until you try it. Too much introspection breeds paralysis.  Think for a little while – but then act.

2.  Worried about selling yourself in an interview?  Be yourself in the interview.  There’s a difference.

3.  Transform the “I’m not good enough” worry by remembering that the Hiring Manager is considering if you’re a right match for a position; not if you’re a good and decent human being. You’re so much more than your job title.

4.  Take the “I might fail” fear and accept that you might.  You can learn tons about yourself (and what you don’t want in another job) by NOT succeeding.

5.  Afraid of putting your resume together?  Prepare.  Have someone else put their eyes on it. Get help from a pro.  Same goes for interviewing. If you are rusty, or if you know you’ve bombed before, enlist the help of a mentor for some mock interview practice.  Better to “bomb” in practice than in real life.

6.  Eliminate some of the fear of the unknown in an interview by concentrating on things you can control: your attire, arriving on time (10 minutes early), bringing a fresh copy of your resume, eye contact, general body language, questions for the Hiring Manager, etc.

7.  Set small, attainable goals.  (Warning – this may mean disturbing your comfortable routine of wine and FaceBook at night.) So, do you want to make this change or not?  Commit to some type of action each day (or every other day) to keep your job search moving.  One phone call, one resume submission, one bullet point on your resume is a step.

Fear leads to overthinking which leads to anxiety which leads to paralysis which keeps you stuck.  Action, no matter how small, can interrupt the fear and allow you to feel a sense of control over the process.  Once you feel like you have some control over the stress of the search, maybe you’ll even want to consider turning any remaining fear into curiosity.  And that’s when the magic really happens.

That formula was written on a sticky note and affectionately placed on my computer screen by my colleagues in my former role as a Hiring Manager.   It was no secret that I fell short when it came to details and rule-following.  My company used DISC assessments (love that tool) internally and helped clients do the same.  It was obvious that I, as a D/I, found it a real stretch to follow the systems that were put in place and necessary for others to do their jobs properly.  A business needs systems to run smoothly and I know this, but I really struggled with upholding my end of the deal.

I don’t believe I’m entitled.  I don’t believe that I have the right to NOT do things the way they are supposed to be done.  I try to follow the formulas provided to ensure a streamlined work flow but I don’t always succeed.  My files are a mess, the way I organize isn’t like everyone else’s way, and I often make it difficult for others to fulfill their responsibilities without coming back to me with things I’ve missed.  Thankfully, in that company, I worked with dedicated, professional, authentic women and we all supported each other’s strengths while acknowledging and helping to fill in where we were weak.   Every organization should be so evolved!

I’ve tried my entire life to follow the formulas.  I was constantly trying to figure out what was wrong with me and why it was so challenging to stay on a straight line.  Then I finally realized that there’s nothing wrong with me and I accepted that, for me, Systems + Processes = Hell.

Systems + Processes = Hell!

There are employees everywhere who, unlike me, may have been written up, or terminated or left to their own devices to try to keep their heads above water.  If that sounds like you, it doesn’t mean you’re not worthy.  It may mean you’re in the wrong job, maybe you’re not in a position that draws on your strengths and minimizes your weaknesses.  It may mean you have to reevaluate the types of jobs you’ve been searching for because this is a consistent theme in your work history.  Finding Career Wellness can sometimes be as easy as starting with these things:

1.  Deem yourself worthy (even though you have weaknesses).

2.  Acknowledge where you fall short.

3.  Laugh at yourself – find humor in your flaws (and in others’).

4.  Support others who are weak where you are strong.

5.  Do your best; and ask for help where you need it.

6.  Seek out positions and companies that value and utilize your strengths.

The sticky note with the formula is now proudly framed and displayed in my office.  It reminds me that I’m not perfect.  It reminds my clients that they don’t have to be perfect either. 

If you do well working with formulas, why not write your own unique formula for Career Wellness?  Once you have your formula, you are better armed to make career decisions that align with your core strengths and values.  Mine would be:

Creativity + Freedom + Relationships + Helping = JOY!

Commit to creating your own formula for 2014, either in your current role or as you seek a new position, and ask yourself if your choices fall into the formula.  Even I can see that this system, which is really just taking what your gut already knows and putting it on paper in front of you, is a necessary first step for gaining a new perspective on your life at work.